House comes with a black dishwasher. If you want another color, it will cost extra.

I understand that some real estate agents get in a hurry. I also understand a few minor mistakes will happen. If you were selling a home in Kansas City, would you want your REALTOR to make these mistakes describing your home on the MLS or internet?





She in back yard goes with home. (Poor gal. Did she not keep up here end of the bargain.)  
You will enjoy the costume d*ck in back yard. (Different home then above. Looks like he didn't live up to his end of the bargain.)
Vets were just cleaned. (Why are they getting rid of the vets?)
New smooth tip range! ( What is a smooth tip range?)
Home features a double faced fireplace. (Oh, I dislike those double faced fireplaces. How about you?) 

Furnace Heater with new boils. (I just cringe seeing that, don't you? Sounds painful.)
Seller is motivated to sell - doesn't like the area. (Hmm . . . hmm . . . to much info, don't you agree?)
Owner evacuated - will consider all offers. (I'm not telling you the address, I'm rushing buyers over there now.)
The house is a real germ! (Yew, bring sanitizer to this home.)
Large Walking closet and hanging area. ( I guess lethal injection isn't accepted.)Huge lard for the dogs to play! (I don't want to clean up that mess. How about you?)Freshly stained kitchen! (I hope it is cleaned prior to moving day.)
Large tube in yard for star glazing. (What? I'm sure they meant hot tub, right?)
In-ground custom designed poo for your enjoyment. (Really? You mean someone custom designed it. I smell environmental hazard here.)
Carpets can't be cleaned. (Looking further, the agent meant, the seller will not clean carpets.)
Oak bra in basement. (I'm sure the ladies will be jumping for this home. Sounds painful.)Seller will pay for closing cost butt not retrospections. (I'm confused. How about you?)
Investigators will love this home! (Why? Is something buried under the basement floor?)
1/2 bathtub in basement. (You mean I don't get a full bathtub? How will the water stay in?)House would win 1st place in beatle contest. (I'm not sure I want a home that would compete with beatles. How about you?)
Roof only leaks when it rains hard. (Good. Because it doesn't rain hard here during heat waves. Only during the spring and summer season.)
Buyer will need to remove bats in attic. Seller is petrified of bats. (Yep. I see truck loads of buyers rushing over to this home.)
Home needs a little TLC. Current estimate to repair is $125,000. (Good thing this $200,000 home only needed a little TLC.)
Windows leak only when it rains. (Good. Hate to see windows that leak all of the time.)
Bring flashlight. Seller had electricity turned off. Thieves took the plumbing and HVAC. (Don't have any buyers right now that are looking for a gutted home. But when I do, I know where to go.)
Green mold is not harmful. Don't breath in the black mold. (I think I'm staying away from this home.)Disk in office is to big to move. Stays with home. (How big of a disk is it?)Sunken family room off of kitchen. (When the home was built it was a normal family room.)Basement reckroom is in attic. (Too many things wrong with this sentence.)
Flowerin dog trees are beautiful during the spring. (I've seen dogwood trees. Gotta see these dog trees.)
Seller just installed cast iron spindles by stars. (Cast iron? What is a home doing with stars?)
Home features include a computerized door bell. (This is when the seller chose a non-techy.)
Clothes can hang horizontal and vertical. (They figured how to defy gravity.)
House comes with a black dishwasher. If you want another color, it will cost extra. (I smell discrimination.)
Your home buyer will love the whine cellular in basement. (To many things wrong with this sentence.) 

Finished basement will be easy to finish with 2 x 4's, sheetrock and carpet. Seller has provided electrical. ( That is it?)
Great view of lake when leaves are off the trees! (Yep. My buyers want to sit outside during the winter time and look at the icy lake.)
All of the trees on the lot go with the home. (Good thing.)
Stoned entryway and sidewalk. (I'm not going to touch this.)
Don't go near neighbors fence. Wacky neighbor has multiple pit bulls. ( Yep. My buyers passed on this home. Not sure why, though.)
Home is similar to home across the street but priced higher. (My buyer skipped this home and went to the home across the street.)
Home is 30 min. from 435 & Metcalf if you go 65 mph. You can cut the time down to 20 min. if you go 75 mph. (Thanks for the information.)
Large TV ant goes with home. (Those are some big ants. Hope they meant antenna. Don't you agree?)
Home features a new FAG system. (In this case the agent should have used furnace, forced air gas or HVAC. Don't you agree?)
Carpet just cleaned by doctor. ( It was a rug doctor.)
Glaze out the window on the decorative widow seat. (widow seat?)
Home has new flu. (I think I'm going to keep my buyers away.)
Rock basemen does not leak. (I'm glad he doesn't leak. Aren't you?)
Shrubs in house will be planted in front yard. (Why are the shrubs in the house?)
Cooked books go with new stove.
Please don't touch pills on kitchen table. ( Pills?  Why aren't they moved?)
Your outdoorsy buyer will love the certified grass. (Certified grass!)
House slants a little due to age. It will not fall down, according to inspector. (Yeah, is the inspector living there.)
Seller will not allow inspections. To many defects. (At least they were honest.)
No showings on Monday, Wednesday, Thursday, Friday, Saturday or Sunday before 7. (Is that AM or PM)
When viewing home, please ignore all of the deer antlers. They will be removed. (Women get turned on with antlers in the home.)
Seller works from home. Please ignore boxes in garage, basement, office, great room and family room. (Is there a room left. Maybe the seller needs a bigger home.)
Big screen tv is perfect for watching aliens. (The movie or real aliens.)
Seller is offering to pay closing cost for buyer who buys their home. (Why not another home?)
Seller can hookup buyer sound system. (Is it stolen?)
Seller has treated termites. Damage has not been repaired. (Good. My buyer wants to buy a home that needs repair.)
Home is best to view when fewer cars are on street. (I'll make a note of that.)
Please don't park in front of mailbox. Male carrier will not deliver mail. (How do they know it is a male carrier? Could be a female carrier, right?)
Beware! Seller will video tape buyers. Don't touch anything. (Yeah. Buyers like that, right)
Seller can strip prior to closing. (What? No, no. We'll keep it like it is.)
The huge bedrooms in this 2 bedroom home would be perfect for a family! (Not a growing family.)
If dogs bark to much, spray ammonia in their face. (OMG)
Office has great view of community pool. (That just sounds sick, doesn't it?)
Don't touch dangling lights. They have hot wires. (How many are there?) 
Please keep windows open. Dogs have brought fleas into the house again. (Not sure I want to tackle those ankle biters.)
Seller will leave master bedroom bed with full offer. (I'm thinking no full offer from my buyers.)
Seller is very motivated. Will follow buyer through home. (Most buyers will get turned off by this.)
Home is more level then it appears in pictures. (Must be a slanted home.)
Don't come during meal time. Seller uses strong oils when cooking. May burn eyes. (Please tell me when meal time is for the seller.)
Home is similar to model home except for a few changes. (what are the changes?)
Home maybe saved from demolition team with an accepted offer by Friday. (This home may need a little work.)
Small kids left at home during the evening. No showings please! (Small kids left at home by themselves?)
Seller will need to approve all contracts. (Good. I'm used to that.)
This home is very religious. (The home or the seller?)
Expensive slat roof. (Slat or slate?)
New carpets installed 4 years ago. (4 years ago?)
Home is located next to new sewage lagoon pond. (That must smell great.)
View airplanes taking off from deck. (That must be close. Hope they aren't loud.)
Please park in driveway. Neighbor across the street has hit 3 cars in front of home. (Lets get that neighbor some driving lessons.)
Home features smooth walls and ceilings. (Great! Tired of the bumpy walls and ceilings.)
Seller will play no games. First full price offer will take home. (I'm tired of games, also.)
Seller is big into warlocks and witches. Please ignore furnishings. (This maybe hard to do.)
Seller is not a full person. Please be patient. (Found out they meant American. Whoops!)
Please knock when entering every room. Seller may pull out gun if sleeping. (I may skip this home.)
Seller is dumb. Only communicates with sign language. (I'm sure they meant deaf.)


Which is your favorite?
Do you have any you would like to add?





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Blog post written by the Dowell Taggart Team of RE/MAX Premier Realty

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